You are not hopeless! You just have to come to a realization how damaging it is to have casual sex that is not meaningful. Not only can it be damaging physically (sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, unwanted pregnancy, etc) but most importantly, it can scar someone emotionally for a long time or even for life.  I am not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do when it comes to having sex outside of marriage. I really believe that if you are a Christian, you have the Holy Spirit guiding you and giving you personal convictions about such topics. That is God’s job and not mine.

What I would like to do is share my opinions with regarding such matter. There are scriptures in the bible that specifically states that sexual immorality or fornication (sex outside of marriage). Doing this is not favored by God. Does this mean He doesn’t love you? No, it just means that it is sin just like stealing or even lying. God is a loving God and what we must do if we find ourselves in sin that is not pleasing to him is to confess, repent, and change our ways.

 It is my personal experience of many years of being promiscuous of what that did to me physically, emotionally and spiritually.  It’s taken me many years of soul-searching to get healed from all my past relationships. If you haven’t already read my book, I highly suggest you read it as it should give you insight of sexual purity and why that is so important. It will also assist and guide you in this process of becoming a Born-Again Virgin. I’m not saying sex is bad as God himself created sex. But he created sex between a man and a woman within the concept of marriage.

 Heb 13:4-5 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

 Again I have to reiterate that sex is good and acceptable in God’s eyes when it’s within marriage. I know for myself and for so many other people that waiting for the one that they will marry has been remarkable beyond words can even explain.  I really believe that if you diligently seek God and get to know him through the Bible, he will show you and guide you in the things he wants you to do personally.

 Here are scriptures that are clear in the Bible regarding sexual immorality:

 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what make a man ‘unclean’; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him ‘unclean.’” Matt 15:19-20

You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things. Acts 15:29

 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Cor 6:18-20 

 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Gal 5:19-21

 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; 4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. 5 For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them. Eph 5:3-7

 Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, 7 in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. Col 3:5-7

Some people mistaken this as God doesn’t want them to have fun. But in reality these scriptures are in the bible because God wants to warn you and protect you from heartaches, disappointments and the other things that I have previously mentioned. True sexual contentment cannot be found until it is blessed by God and the only way for that is if it’s in a marriage setting. It’s worth the wait!!!

This is part 2 as we continue on the topic of internet dating. I would like to share my very own personal experience with you.

My friend and I decided to try it so we can meet more people of the opposite sex. We were smart women, so we were confident and very careful about it. We knew NOT to get to personal with them through email. We held each other accountable with every guy. I was amazed how a computer can match me up with guys that shared many common interests. I felt I had control because at any time that I felt uncomfortable or uneasy, I could just simply delete this person and never have contact with them again.

I was enjoying meeting new people. Quickly, I was able to filter out those that were just out to play around and only wanted a good time. There was one in particular that I was drawn to more because of his spiritual life. I will call him Bachelor #1. There was another one that intrigued me because he had a heart for inner-city mission work and that was a passion of mine. He is Bachelor #2.  I focused on these two individuals. I decided to take the next step of meeting Bachelor #1 in person. I made sure that I had my tracks covered – letting my close friend know where I was going, how long I planned on being there, what he looked liked, etc.  If she didn’t hear from me in a couple of hours, to send out an APB out on me.  (READ my blog on the “Do’s & Don’ts on the 1^st Date”)

 The 1^st meeting with Bachelor #1 went well. We did not consider it a date because it was just a meeting to get to know each other. I was not at all attracted to him in person, but getting to know him over email was very appealing to me. On to Bachelor #2. I met him for coffee and right away, I got a check in my spirit about an anger issue that he had. I knew that was something I didn’t want to deal with. So we remained friends. We did things in a group setting at church functions, parties, etc and that’s all it ever developed into.  I had a new friend.

Now as I continue to stay in communication with Bachelor #1, I started getting personal with him through email because I felt safe with him after going out with him a few more times.  To make a long story short, we ended up dating and I thought for sure that he was, “THE ONE”. We both felt that our relationship was from God. But as time went on, he ended up NOT being, “THE ONE”. 

After 6 months of this relationship not working out, I decided to try my luck again with online dating. But this time it was different because I went back to it wanting to find my mate for life! I didn’t want to meet friends or even date anymore, I wanted to get married. As I signed back up and started communicating with different guys, there were some guys that would stop the communication with me. I took it personally and I felt so rejected and hurt! Every day, I would be praying and anticipating a new person on my profile to be my mate. It got to the point where I was so miserable, I got mad and closed my account.  I was mad at God for awhile blaming him that he didn’t match me up with a mate like He was supposed to.

After I had my pity party for myself, God gave me a revelation about this whole experience with online dating. He showed me the difference in my attitude when I went back the second time to online dating. Here are the top things I learned from this whole experience:

1. I got attached to someone emotionally over email. Even after seeing them in person and not being physically attractive, I chose to continue emailing him. There is danger in this. As innocent as email may sound, people will share their feelings more on email than in person. So many will end up getting emotionally attached to the words of someone and not to the real live person. Anyone can sound good in writing. Look at people’s resume and compare them in real life! People will write down an image of who they think they are, not who they really are. The way we read and interpret their writing is an image of a person that we have created in our own mind. This is not reality.
2. I stopped relying on God and started trusting a computer to match me up with someone. God is the ultimate match-maker. If you lose sight of this, then you are leaning on your own understanding (PROVERBS 3:5-6 ). I wanted to be married so bad that I was desperate to try anything.
3. Just because online dating may have worked for my friend, did not mean that it was going to work for me. God wanted to me to have my own Cinderella Story and it wasn’t going to be from a computer. He wanted to get the Glory and not have a computer be a God to me.

I am still not going to tell you if internet dating is right or wrong. It’s a personal conviction for yourself that you must pray to God about. Just know this – internet dating isn’t for everyone. If you have personal experience with internet dating, please share with others by leaving your comments on this blog.  Thanks!