DO let the other person talk more.

The idea is to get to know your date and it should be a two-sided conversation. If one person is doing all the talking, then that could be a sign of narcissism (aka; arrogant, egotistic, selfish, etc.). I have known guys that love to hear themselves talk about nothing.  It may seem fine at first because the pressure is off of you having to talk, but in the long run, this type of behavior is not good in any relationships. You should already have some questions in your mind to ask your date.  These are questions that will help you get to know them better but not to personal. For example, find out where they work and what they do at work. Ask more details about their job. Everyone loves talking about what they do whether they like their job or not. Another question could be to find out some hobbies/ sports they like to do. You can even go as far as asking what their dreams and passion in life are.

You must be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry – James 1:19

DON’T share about your past relationships.

This is your 1^st date for crying out loud, not a therapy session! Talking to deep about past relationships can be a total turn off to your date. Don’t bring up your baggage and lay it all on the table. Some have argued with me stating that they are just being honest and if they don’t like me for who I am than it’s better to let them know upfront. Come on now! Why would you want to scare someone off right away? Look, we all have baggage and I’m not saying that you have to keep your past a secret. But there is a time and place for that and your first date is NOT the time NOR place!

DO let a friend or family member know your plan for the night.

In today’s society, we need to be more careful when we go out on a first date. Be safe and at least let someone know that you are going on a first date and what time you expect to be home.  This way, your friend or family member will be your accountability person. They can call you at a certain time to make sure that 1) you are okay and 2) you are home when you say you are coming home. Also, if you want to get out of your date, that phone call can be your excuse out. You should already have it made up in your mind what time you are going to come home. The 1^st date should never go beyond 2 hours and definitely never go beyond MIDNIGHT. Nothing good ever happens after midnight!

DON’T  ever go back to your place or your date’s place.

It’s just common sense  NOT  to go back to their place. So many people do not realize that once you step foot into the door, you set yourself up emotionally and physically. You don’t want to send the wrong message to your date that you are easy or vulnerable by accepting the offer to their place for coffee or whatever. You can set yourself up emotionally by seeing personal items inside their home. There may be pictures, clothing or personal items in their bathroom that you start connecting yourself with emotionally. I remember checking out the bedroom & kitchen of my date’s house. I started in my mind already fixing the place up for my liking! Now, I don’t think I have to tell you how you can become physical with each other when alone with your date and there is a couch or bed nearby. It may just start out with holding hands, to kissing and before you know it, you are in the heat of the moment and you end up in bed together. It is very vital that you stay away from your date’s apartment, house, etc. all together on your first few dates. Be SMART and SAFE on your 1^st date.

WISE choices will watch over you. UNDERSTANDING will keep you safe – Proverbs 2:11

My favorite class to teach is on dating and relationships. In my introduction class, I gave the assignment to find scriptures in the bible about dating. When the class met again, I found it interesting that some of the people came up with scriptures they thought was specific for dating. However, this was a trick question that I had asked them. The truth was the word “DATING” is not anywhere in the bible. There are no verses in the bible that is specifically on dating. No one dated in the bible times. There were only pre-arranged marriages as dating was not allowed during that era.

I did a research on the word dating and found that it originated in the United States. This popular custom did not occur in other parts of the world. Dating has become the norm for our society and slowly creeping into cultures throughout the world.

Whether we want to believe it or not, there are gray areas in the bible. Dating is one of them. Because this originated in today’s society, it wouldn’t be in the bible. So, what are Christians supposed to do? The only answer is to rely on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will guide, counsel and convict us in the area of dating. If we don’t, then the dating standards will be the same as the world. Sometimes when we don’t understand the Holy Spirit, we need to have Spiritual teachers/mentors to help us when something is not clear. That extra audible voice can help us understand what to do.

Now, if there are no scriptures in the bible specifically for dating then what rules are we to follow? That is a good question! The bible gives great guidance in every area of our lives. There are scriptures that give many principles and promises that pertain to the practice of not only dating, but even in friendships. Let’s look at some scriptures that can be applied to this:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?  2 Corinthians 6:14 

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character” – 1 Corinthians 15:33  

The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them – Proverbs 11:3  

Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, whether it be right – Proverbs 20:11 

I therefore…beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called – Ephesians 4:1 

But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse joking, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not be partakers with them. – Ephesians 5:3-7 

Romans 6:12, 13 – Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give into its lustful desires. Do not let any part of your body become a tool of wickedness, to be used for sinning. Instead, give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life. And use your whole body as a tool to do what is right for the glory of God. 

There have been great controversies in the Christian environment whether Christians should really date or not. It doesn’t matter if some think that Christians should only be courting not dating. If our society accepts dating as normal, then the single people will do it anyways. The new generation thinks courtship is old school and is stupid. So, instead of trying to have them adjust to old traditions, let’s find ways to help and guide them to good dating practices. With the Bible, the Holy Spirit, and Spiritual mentors, Christians can have good dating experiences that are separate from the world and pleasing to God.