This is part 2 as we continue on the topic of internet dating. I would like to share my very own personal experience with you.

My friend and I decided to try it so we can meet more people of the opposite sex. We were smart women, so we were confident and very careful about it. We knew NOT to get to personal with them through email. We held each other accountable with every guy. I was amazed how a computer can match me up with guys that shared many common interests. I felt I had control because at any time that I felt uncomfortable or uneasy, I could just simply delete this person and never have contact with them again.

I was enjoying meeting new people. Quickly, I was able to filter out those that were just out to play around and only wanted a good time. There was one in particular that I was drawn to more because of his spiritual life. I will call him Bachelor #1. There was another one that intrigued me because he had a heart for inner-city mission work and that was a passion of mine. He is Bachelor #2.  I focused on these two individuals. I decided to take the next step of meeting Bachelor #1 in person. I made sure that I had my tracks covered – letting my close friend know where I was going, how long I planned on being there, what he looked liked, etc.  If she didn’t hear from me in a couple of hours, to send out an APB out on me.  (READ my blog on the “Do’s & Don’ts on the 1^st Date”)

 The 1^st meeting with Bachelor #1 went well. We did not consider it a date because it was just a meeting to get to know each other. I was not at all attracted to him in person, but getting to know him over email was very appealing to me. On to Bachelor #2. I met him for coffee and right away, I got a check in my spirit about an anger issue that he had. I knew that was something I didn’t want to deal with. So we remained friends. We did things in a group setting at church functions, parties, etc and that’s all it ever developed into.  I had a new friend.

Now as I continue to stay in communication with Bachelor #1, I started getting personal with him through email because I felt safe with him after going out with him a few more times.  To make a long story short, we ended up dating and I thought for sure that he was, “THE ONE”. We both felt that our relationship was from God. But as time went on, he ended up NOT being, “THE ONE”. 

After 6 months of this relationship not working out, I decided to try my luck again with online dating. But this time it was different because I went back to it wanting to find my mate for life! I didn’t want to meet friends or even date anymore, I wanted to get married. As I signed back up and started communicating with different guys, there were some guys that would stop the communication with me. I took it personally and I felt so rejected and hurt! Every day, I would be praying and anticipating a new person on my profile to be my mate. It got to the point where I was so miserable, I got mad and closed my account.  I was mad at God for awhile blaming him that he didn’t match me up with a mate like He was supposed to.

After I had my pity party for myself, God gave me a revelation about this whole experience with online dating. He showed me the difference in my attitude when I went back the second time to online dating. Here are the top things I learned from this whole experience:

1. I got attached to someone emotionally over email. Even after seeing them in person and not being physically attractive, I chose to continue emailing him. There is danger in this. As innocent as email may sound, people will share their feelings more on email than in person. So many will end up getting emotionally attached to the words of someone and not to the real live person. Anyone can sound good in writing. Look at people’s resume and compare them in real life! People will write down an image of who they think they are, not who they really are. The way we read and interpret their writing is an image of a person that we have created in our own mind. This is not reality.
2. I stopped relying on God and started trusting a computer to match me up with someone. God is the ultimate match-maker. If you lose sight of this, then you are leaning on your own understanding (PROVERBS 3:5-6 ). I wanted to be married so bad that I was desperate to try anything.
3. Just because online dating may have worked for my friend, did not mean that it was going to work for me. God wanted to me to have my own Cinderella Story and it wasn’t going to be from a computer. He wanted to get the Glory and not have a computer be a God to me.

I am still not going to tell you if internet dating is right or wrong. It’s a personal conviction for yourself that you must pray to God about. Just know this – internet dating isn’t for everyone. If you have personal experience with internet dating, please share with others by leaving your comments on this blog.  Thanks!

The simple answer is this…God can use ANYTHING He wants. He is God almighty and He can do ANYTHING He wants to. The question I always get from Singles, “Is it wrong to use online dating services?” When the topic is not in the bible (not one mention of the internet in there) and a gray area, I always respond back with a question. I would ask them in return, “Do you think it’s wrong?” The answers people usually give are convictions that they personally feel about it. But because it’s become acceptable in our society, one can only think that they should be doing it.

Ministers can debate back and forth all they want about online dating, but I truly believe it is a personal conviction for each person. I have had friends that have found their mate through internet dating. I have also had other friends that had nothing but dating disasters through internet dating. It’s no different than meeting someone at a bar or even a church. You must be cautious and let the Holy Spirit guide you in discerning the intentions of the opposite sex, however you meet them.

I don’t think I need to share about the bad things that can come from internet dating. The media does a good job of this. So many times we see on the news about someone hooking up on the internet and end up being raped or worse, being murdered. We won’t focus on this because we have all heard of horror stories in this evil world. All I have to say about this is to be cautious as there is danger in everything out there.

Instead, let’s talk about the good of internet dating. It’s a way for those that have a busy life to meet people.  Everyone is so busy and it just doesn’t seem like there are enough places to meet good Christian people.  It’s especially hard in churches if there is no singles ministry. I believe the mistake that people make about internet dating is that they are expecting to find their soul mate as these services promotes finding the love of your life. BOLONEY. Jesus is the love of your life! Don’t get caught up in relying on a computer to find your mate. You are setting yourself up for a big disappointment. If you go into it just to meet new people and develop friendships from it, then you are not just focused on finding your mate!

So let’s take a look at a few guidelines for online dating if you decide to do it.

1. Make sure that it is a Christian-based dating service. Never sign up for one that is NOT Christian-based. You want to make sure you are equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). You also have to understand that just because someone say they are a Christian may not necessarily mean they believe in the same things you do or have the same standards and morals as you. Again, this is where you really have to rely on the Holy Spirit to reveal these things to you and you must listen to Him and take action on your part.
2. NEVER give out your personal information over the internet. Things like where you work, your home address, what kind of car you drive, who you bank with, etc. It doesn’t matter how well you get to know someone over the internet or emailing back & forth. You truly do not know someone until you spend a lot of time in person and in public with them. READ my blog on “Do’s & Don’ts on a 1^st date” before you go on a date with a person. The less this person knows about you, the easier it will be to cut it off and less chances of having a stalker.
3. Go into this to meet new people, not to find a mate. Getting to know other Christian Singles should be the main focus. The first phase is to know someone as an acquaintance then as a friend. If you have this mindset, then you are not going to get disappointed or set yourself up.
4. Get advice from others that will give you good counsel. Have them help you understand the pros and cons of internet dating. They may be able to give you insight of things you have never thought of.
5. Always remember to – BE SMART & SAFE!

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness?  How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 (NLT)

Stay tuned for my next blog as I share my own personal experience with internet dating. I will be sharing the GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY. You don’t want to miss it!