Would You Marry A Virgin?

Are you reading this because the title got your attention? I know it got the attention of the co-ed relationship class that I have been facilitating. If you haven’t been reading my blogs, I suggest you go back to the last few blogs to catch up.

The question was asked in class, “Would you rather marry a virgin or someone that already has some sexual experience?” Since some of the guys were already rowdy from previous questions, so this got them going even more. “Why kind of question is that?” one stated, “the only way anyone is a virgin anymore is if they were a young teen like 14 years old, and I would go to jail. Finding a virgin is unrealistic”.  Another said, “I don’t think I can be with someone with more sexual experience. I am the man and would not like my wife to know more about sex than me”.  Finally, a guy spoke up and said, “I have to be honest. I would love to marry a virgin. Then I can teach her everything myself”. 

One right after another, guys jumped into the conversation. “I’m the opposite. If I marry a virgin, I would be afraid there would be a day that she would be curious of other guys and leave me.”  With the next 30 minutes of just guys talking, it was the majority that said it didn’t matter what someone’s past was, now that they have changed their life and are living for God, the past would not matter.

The women really didn’t speak up much on this as it seemed to be directed at the guys. Now, I decided to heat things up a bit. I grew up with brothers and I like to push buttons. So, I asked them, “What if she slept with 100 guys, would you marry her?” If only I could have videotaped the looks on the faces of so many of the guys! The blank, shocked, puzzled look on them was classic. No one was too quick to answer this time. Even the outspoken ones were seriously thinking hard on this question.

Let’s stop for a moment and talk about this. So many times, people will dismiss other’s past until it affects them personally. I’ve heard so many in my counseling sessions that have said it didn’t matter what a person has done in the past because today they are a new person. God has forgiven them and so do they.

I’m not talking about forgiveness because I know I have been promiscuous in my past. Not only has God forgiven me, but I had to learn to forgive myself as well. However, that was a process I had to go through. Being promiscuous was acceptable when I was living by the world’s standards. But when I committed my life to God and wanted to live a holy life, I felt dirty, disgusted and unworthy that I could ever be loved or wanted by a godly man because of my past promiscuity. Regardless of whether I slept with 100 guys or 1 guy, I still felt the shame and guilt that came with being promiscuous.

That is why I feel strongly that everyone that has been promiscuous needs to go back and deal with their past relationships. I am not saying to go back and dwell in your past, because your past is behind you. What I am saying is that you must deal with those issues that may affect any relationships you may have in your future. Let me give you an example of what I had to do.

God led me on a weekend retreat by myself to Bodega Bay in Northern California. I got a hotel room and for the whole weekend, I didn’t have any distractions (TV, phone, friends, etc.). I spent the weekend evaluating every single relationship from my past. I broke down each one and wrote about various things from that relationship. After summarizing the evaluations, I noticed that there was a pattern developing in the guys that I had chosen. The majority of these guys were NON-committal womanizers. Now understand this, I’ve always wanted to be married and committed my whole life. But God revealed to me the guys I had chosen were those that were never going to commit.  What was even more surprising to me was that deep down inside, I was AFRAID of commitment myself. So I would subconsciously choose guys that would never commit to me. WOW – talk about a revelation!!!  

You can learn so much from your past relationships. There is more information on how to evaluate your past relationships in my book, “Born-Again Virgin”. There are exercises in the book that you can use to evaluate relationships. This is why I wrote the book – to help those that were promiscuous and want a better life.

I hope and pray my book and testimony will encourage and inspire Singles from around the world to stand up for PURITY once again!

 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind –  Romans 12:2