Why are men so competitive?
We all know how competitive men are, but do we really know the reason why they are this way? In wanting to understand more about the male species, I decided to try an experiment and go straight to the source – men! I have had many years of teaching on dating, relationships, and sexuality for women, but not guys. So I had a male co-worker teach class simultaneously to the guys. We brought the genders together to one class. The object of this co-ed class was to understand one another.
There are so many assumptions and the only time one can learn about the other gender is in a relationship but by then it’s too late. Everyone needs to learn more about the other gender PRIOR to getting into a relationship. This can save a lot of headaches, heartaches and frustration.
The women were outnumbered in the initial gathering. There were well over 30 guys and about 10 women. I didn’t want the women to feel intimidated so I made sure I spoke up for them. With my personality, writing a book and the leadership position I had, the guys had to listen, so the women really did have the advantage even though there were more guys.
I decided to start off with what I thought would be a simple question but turned into a big discussion. The question, “Why are men so competitive”? The answer was this, “It’s in our blood, it’s in our DNA”. Some even went deeper, “This is how God made us”. At first, I thought what a cop-out. But then as the guys continue to share why they are so competitive, my view started to change about the answer they gave. They stated a valid point of being forced into competition as a child in some sort of sport. Then there was the locker room talk about females with pressure coming from their buddies. They had to learn to be competitive. What a valid point!
Someone also acknowledged that it is even like this in the animal kingdom where predominately the male is trying to make a statement for status. It’s usually to win the female from another male. Interesting! Okay, so the women got it and understood this.
Now, that’s understandable about being competitive against other guys, but then another question came up, “Why are guys competitive in a relationship?” For example, you’re on a date to play miniature golf and it seems like the guys take this game seriously.
Once again, the majority of the guys said, “That’s how we are made”. Most of them laughed and agreed as they were all on the same team and not being competitive at all with this statement. I was surprised that one guy finally spoke up and said, “Not all guys are like that. I don’t have a problem with letting her win. I would let her win on purpose if it makes her happy.”
I was glad to see there was at least one sensitive guy in the group. Shortly after this, a couple of more guys jumped on the band-wagon agreeing that it is no big deal letting their date win in some type of competition. I noticed this put smiles on the women’s faces and everyone came to a better understanding on this topic.
Now, the guys in return, agreed that women are competitive as well. The women spoke up and said their competition is with other women. This can be competitive in appearance, family and/or love. So true! The guys didn’t realize women compete for their attention. This put smiles on faces of a bunch of the guys. Yes! The battle of the sexes is now even. The smiles on the faces show a sense of understanding and agreement among them. Everyone was happy!
The bottom line is that we are all competitive in something. It’s just more obvious with men. Just make sure that the competitiveness does not affect the other person in a negative way. Remember if you are in a relationship, you should not be competitive with each other. You are both on the same team. You should be supporting and encouraging one another, not tearing each other down. This will make or break a relationship.
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