We all know how competitive men are, but do we really know the reason why they are this way? In wanting to understand more about the male species, I decided to try an experiment and go straight to the source – men! I have had many years of teaching on dating, relationships, and sexuality for women, but not guys. So I had a male co-worker teach class simultaneously to the guys. We brought the genders together to one class. The object of this co-ed class was to understand one another.

There are so many assumptions and the only time one can learn about the other gender is in a relationship but by then it’s too late. Everyone needs to learn more about the other gender PRIOR to getting into a relationship. This can save a lot of headaches, heartaches and frustration.

The women were outnumbered in the initial gathering. There were well over 30 guys and about 10 women. I didn’t want the women to feel intimidated so I made sure I spoke up for them. With my personality, writing a book and the leadership position I had, the guys had to listen, so the women really did have the advantage even though there were more guys.

I decided to start off with what I thought would be a simple question but turned into a big discussion. The question, “Why are men so competitive”? The answer was this, “It’s in our blood, it’s in our DNA”. Some even went deeper, “This is how God made us”.  At first, I thought what a cop-out. But then as the guys continue to share why they are so competitive, my view started to change about the answer they gave.  They stated a valid point of being forced into competition as a child in some sort of sport. Then there was the locker room talk about females with pressure coming from their buddies. They had to learn to be competitive. What a valid point!

Someone also acknowledged that it is even like this in the animal kingdom where predominately the male is trying to make a statement for status. It’s usually to win the female from another male. Interesting! Okay, so the women got it and understood this.  

Now, that’s understandable about being competitive against other guys, but then another question came up, “Why are guys competitive in a relationship?” For example, you’re on a date to play miniature golf and it seems like the guys take this game seriously.

Once again, the majority of the guys said, “That’s how we are made”.  Most of them laughed and agreed as they were all on the same team and not being competitive at all with this statement. I was surprised that one guy finally spoke up and said, “Not all guys are like that. I don’t have a problem with letting her win. I would let her win on purpose if it makes her happy.” 

I was glad to see there was at least one sensitive guy in the group. Shortly after this, a couple of more guys jumped on the band-wagon agreeing that it is no big deal letting their date win in some type of competition. I noticed this put smiles on the women’s faces and everyone came to a better understanding on this topic.

Now, the guys in return, agreed that women are competitive as well. The women spoke up and said their competition is with other women. This can be competitive in appearance, family and/or love. So true! The guys didn’t realize women compete for their attention. This put smiles on faces of a bunch of the guys. Yes! The battle of the sexes is now even. The smiles on the faces show a sense of understanding and agreement among them. Everyone was happy!

The bottom line is that we are all competitive in something. It’s just more obvious with men. Just make sure that the competitiveness does not affect the other person in a negative way. Remember if you are in a relationship, you should not be competitive with each other. You are both on the same team. You should be supporting and encouraging one another, not tearing each other down. This will make or break a relationship.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

As the summer season is coming to an end, I am itching to get a new look for the fall season. Just once, I wish I can throw everything out of my closet and start over. That’s why I love the show “WHAT NOT TO WEAR”. They make the participant throw everything out of their closet and let’s them shop for a whole new wardrobe! That’s a dream come true, although there were some women that were crying because they didn’t want to get rid of their style of clothes or their hair style. WHAT? Every female would love the $5,000 shopping spree plus hair & makeup. The best part is that it is a fresh start!

Change is a hard thing for everyone to embrace. But change will happen whether we like it or not. There are some changes that are out of our control, but then there are those changes that we choose to make. Now, it’s a choice when it comes to our spirituality. One of my favorite passages in the bible is Isaiah 61:3. If you like going to the spa, then you will love getting a spiritual make-over as the scripture states:

Provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Let’s take a look how this passage correlates with our past, present and future. Our past consists of the ashes, mourning and spirit of despair that we have to live through our lives. The past has full of grief, sorrow, hurt, pain, bitterness, un-forgiveness, etc. The majority of the issues we have from our past have to do with relationships with others. This may include relationships with our parents, the opposite sex, same sex, etc. This can still have some negative affects in our lives.

It’s in our present time that God give us beauty, oil of gladness and a garment of praise. God wants to make each one of us beautiful from the inside out, not the other way around. True joy can only come from God. We must literally clothe ourselves in praise. Every morning we decide what to wear. In the same way we must decide to put on the garment of praise on a daily basis.

Our future consists of being called righteousness and the Lord will put us on display. The people of the Lord then will be called “oaks of righteousness.” We are to be strong witnesses “of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” Our lives should reflect God.

You may have felt like your life was ugly and insignificant. Let’s take a look at the ugly duckling story. It felt different and didn’t fit in with its current environment. But what happened as it matured? It became a beautiful swan and found it fit in with the other beautiful swans, more beautiful than the other ducks it once hung out with. So what is Moral of this story? Stop hanging around with the ugly ducks you used to hang out with.

Let’s look at those relationships that you got yourself into. You are going to attract those that have the same spirit as you. So if you are negative, critical and mean, well guess what? Those are the type of people that will be attracted to you. If you are all about materialistic things, promiscuity or care-free, than those are the kind of flies that you will be attracting your way! Aren’t you tired of attracting and having to swat away those annoying flies?

With a new spiritual make-over, you are called to hang around beautiful swans just like you are! And when your beauty radiates, you will be displaying God’s splendor in your life. What a great future to look forward to. The people you will start attracting will be good, positive and full of life. Surround yourself with godly men and women that will speak and be a blessing to you.

Imagine yourself in a BEFORE picture and then after God gets done with you, you have your AFTER picture of your spiritual make-over. The best thing about a spiritual make-over is that you are not only changed on the outside, but most importantly you are changed in the inside where it counts the most in God’s eyes. You are BEUATIFUL, you are BLESSED, and you are HIGHLY FAVORED by Almighty God!