What Does The Bible Say About Dating?
My favorite class to teach is on dating and relationships. In my introduction class, I gave the assignment to find scriptures in the bible about dating. When the class met again, I found it interesting that some of the people came up with scriptures they thought was specific for dating. However, this was a trick question that I had asked them. The truth was the word “DATING” is not anywhere in the bible. There are no verses in the bible that is specifically on dating. No one dated in the bible times. There were only pre-arranged marriages as dating was not allowed during that era.
I did a research on the word dating and found that it originated in the United States. This popular custom did not occur in other parts of the world. Dating has become the norm for our society and slowly creeping into cultures throughout the world.
Whether we want to believe it or not, there are gray areas in the bible. Dating is one of them. Because this originated in today’s society, it wouldn’t be in the bible. So, what are Christians supposed to do? The only answer is to rely on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will guide, counsel and convict us in the area of dating. If we don’t, then the dating standards will be the same as the world. Sometimes when we don’t understand the Holy Spirit, we need to have Spiritual teachers/mentors to help us when something is not clear. That extra audible voice can help us understand what to do.
Now, if there are no scriptures in the bible specifically for dating then what rules are we to follow? That is a good question! The bible gives great guidance in every area of our lives. There are scriptures that give many principles and promises that pertain to the practice of not only dating, but even in friendships. Let’s look at some scriptures that can be applied to this:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character” – 1 Corinthians 15:33
The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them – Proverbs 11:3
Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, whether it be right – Proverbs 20:11
I therefore…beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called – Ephesians 4:1
But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse joking, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not be partakers with them. – Ephesians 5:3-7
Romans 6:12, 13 – Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give into its lustful desires. Do not let any part of your body become a tool of wickedness, to be used for sinning. Instead, give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life. And use your whole body as a tool to do what is right for the glory of God.
There have been great controversies in the Christian environment whether Christians should really date or not. It doesn’t matter if some think that Christians should only be courting not dating. If our society accepts dating as normal, then the single people will do it anyways. The new generation thinks courtship is old school and is stupid. So, instead of trying to have them adjust to old traditions, let’s find ways to help and guide them to good dating practices. With the Bible, the Holy Spirit, and Spiritual mentors, Christians can have good dating experiences that are separate from the world and pleasing to God.
I am not a happy single male christian and who is 34- years -old. I feel hopelessness on the daily basis because of loneliness. Each morning I pray so that I meet somebody and be a friend. I am exhausted and don’t know how to ask God to help me find one. I just want someone to talk to. Be intimate friend. And this intimacy is not about sex or dating. Talking, loving and caring. To wait until the time He guides me to propose to her. What must I do to find a pure friendship? I prefer to meet an older woman. I don’t know why. Outside my race too. Does God helps people find a marriage couple or am I wasting my time praying? How do I stop praying so that I stop waiting for a miracle that is not going to happen.
I made a mistake when I was 26 and lost my virginity. Am I still getting punished even after I repented? I also always pray so that I am not led into a temptation. I always pray so that I don’t burn with lust. I don’t believe sex is the most important thing that makes a relationship work all the time. What I look in a relationship is a good communication and understanding the other person to be a good friend. I want it to be just like the Bible times .
If I don’t meet somebody in person could it possible to meet a single christian online? I want to build a relationship real slow but want to know if she is the right person for me. I can wait. But the big problem is there is no one out there who wants to wait until the right time to commit. I am in a confusion and it really affected my life. I find my life meaningless without a woman. What must I do to meet one???? I really love women. Is it not better to marry than burn with passion? I read, ‘. . . since there is so much immorality , each man should have his own wife, and each wife her own husband.’ 1 Corinthians, 7;2-3. What does it mean when it says, ’should have’?
I never heard anything encouraging from Christians regarding marriage and I don’t expect to hear anything that comforts me from you. I just want someone to talk to.
Hello Addisu,
I am so sorry that you are unhappy being single. I totally understand as I too for many years was very unhappy and even mad at God for not bringing me a mate that I felt He had promised me. It wasn’t until I was 36 years old that God finally brought someone in my life. Why did it take so long you ask? Because God wanted me to find fellowship with Him first. I had to learn to have him as my friend and husband first before I was ready for someone in my life. It took my up until then to FINALLY realize that I had to be happy and content with being myself and being single. It came to a point in my life where God asked me to put this on the altar (just like Abraham put Isaac on the altar as a sacrifice). It was difficult for me because every since I was a little girl, my dream was to be married with children. But with God’s help and me finally coming to that point where I gave the thought of being married on the altar and I truly had to say to myself and God that if He wanted me to me single the rest of my life, (I wouldn’t like it and God would really ahve to help me with this) so be it. From that day on, I made a decision in my heart that it was going to be me & Jesus. I got involved in my church and started focusing on helping others and not so much on myself. Do you know within a few months, God threw a curveball at me? This guy started pursuing me. I was enjoying life being single that I didn’t even want to get involved with anyone at that time. To make a long story short, I ended up marrying this man.
My point is that it’s not about marriage making you happy, but it’s about God giving you joy and peace of where you are at right now. Paul said that he learned to be content (Phillippians 4:11). The secret to happiness if being content in where you are at right now. God knows the desires of your heart and He will give it to you in His timing. Until that time, enjoy your life as it is only for a season. Can I suggest you read the book I wrote Born-Again Virgin? I believe this book will help you find yourself as a single adult. Praying for you my brother in Christ!
Vilma