My favorite class to teach is on dating and relationships. In my introduction class, I gave the assignment to find scriptures in the bible about dating. When the class met again, I found it interesting that some of the people came up with scriptures they thought was specific for dating. However, this was a trick question that I had asked them. The truth was the word “DATING” is not anywhere in the bible. There are no verses in the bible that is specifically on dating. No one dated in the bible times. There were only pre-arranged marriages as dating was not allowed during that era.

I did a research on the word dating and found that it originated in the United States. This popular custom did not occur in other parts of the world. Dating has become the norm for our society and slowly creeping into cultures throughout the world.

Whether we want to believe it or not, there are gray areas in the bible. Dating is one of them. Because this originated in today’s society, it wouldn’t be in the bible. So, what are Christians supposed to do? The only answer is to rely on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will guide, counsel and convict us in the area of dating. If we don’t, then the dating standards will be the same as the world. Sometimes when we don’t understand the Holy Spirit, we need to have Spiritual teachers/mentors to help us when something is not clear. That extra audible voice can help us understand what to do.

Now, if there are no scriptures in the bible specifically for dating then what rules are we to follow? That is a good question! The bible gives great guidance in every area of our lives. There are scriptures that give many principles and promises that pertain to the practice of not only dating, but even in friendships. Let’s look at some scriptures that can be applied to this:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?  2 Corinthians 6:14 

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character” – 1 Corinthians 15:33  

The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them – Proverbs 11:3  

Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, whether it be right – Proverbs 20:11 

I therefore…beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called – Ephesians 4:1 

But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse joking, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not be partakers with them. – Ephesians 5:3-7 

Romans 6:12, 13 – Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give into its lustful desires. Do not let any part of your body become a tool of wickedness, to be used for sinning. Instead, give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life. And use your whole body as a tool to do what is right for the glory of God. 

There have been great controversies in the Christian environment whether Christians should really date or not. It doesn’t matter if some think that Christians should only be courting not dating. If our society accepts dating as normal, then the single people will do it anyways. The new generation thinks courtship is old school and is stupid. So, instead of trying to have them adjust to old traditions, let’s find ways to help and guide them to good dating practices. With the Bible, the Holy Spirit, and Spiritual mentors, Christians can have good dating experiences that are separate from the world and pleasing to God.

As I continue to review movies regarding relationship, I was given the DVD of Fireproof from a friend.  It sat for awhile as I thought it was going to be one of those cheesy Christian movies. But I decided to give it a shot since my passion is to help people with relationships.  It started out slow and I can tell it was a low-budget movie. However, to my amazement, I really got into this movie and even cried a couple of time.  Now, you have to understand that when I tear up that is the same as crying. So, when I actually cry than it’s like sobbing!

I really like the fact that throughout this movie, real issues came up and wasn’t the fairy tale marriage that Hollywood portrays. It’s about a man that is a fireman and unhappily married. He saves people from fire but cannot save his own marriage from being destroyed.  They both are just going through the motions living together but had separate lives.

 The man went to his father for advice and his father begged him not to divorce yet but challenged him to a 40-day challenge called Love Dare. Each day consisted of something that he must do on his part.  He started doing things such as act of kindness, just calling to see if she needs anything, sending flowers, etc. 

I remember someone once told me that if we want to learn about something, we must go to the experts. So if I am having problems with my computer, I would go to a technician that knows about computers, not a car salesman.  I believe before anyone gets married, they should learn all they can about marriage life. To learn this, one must go to couples that have been married 30, 40, or 50 years. They are the expert in this field and will give you the advice you need to make a marriage successful. And PLEASE don’t go to your single friends for advice on marriage. You are setting yourself up for disaster!

Now, let’s get back to the movie. The husband had a good friend at work that encouraged him to stay married and was there for his support. The woman on the other hand had friends that gossip and said her husband was only being nice to get all he can from her when they divorced. To the look of things, I believe the women were all single. So the wife didn’t respond to her husband a few days into this because of advice from her friends. He felt rejected. He calls his dad and said it’s not working. He has tried everything he can and he is ready to give up.

SO MANY TIMES, PEOPLE WANT A QUICK FIX. IT TAKES YEARS TO DESTROY A MARRIAGE AND THEY EXPECT THINGS TO GO RIGHT OVERNIGHT. IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. THE BIBLE SAYS THAT LOVE IS PATIENT! IT’S A PROCESS AND IT WILL TAKE TIME.

The husband continues with the 40-day challenge and half way through, he feels rejected even more as his wife still do not respond to him. He is ready to throw in the towel.  So he attacks her with all her wrongdoings.  He states, “how do I show love over and over  to someone who constantly rejects me”. 

YOU NEED TO LOVE YOUR SPOUSE NO MATTER IF THEY DESERVE IT OR NOT. YOU MAY NOT LIKE THEM FROM TIME TO TIME, BUT LOVE AND RESPECT IS A MUST IF THE MARRIAGE IS TO WORK OUT.

I read a critic that said this movie is about a man that needed scriptural instructions on how NOT to act like a **** to your wife. He was being negative and sarcastic. But I thought to myself, it’s true. The only way a man can truly be a good husband is getting strength from the bible. These critics don’t realize what they are really saying. I think that is just hilarious! Stupid People.

 Marriage cannot survive on its own in today’s world. How can it with all the adultery, abuse and divorce that are acceptable in today’s society. Marriages need guidance.  The best guidance marriage can get is Jesus and the roadmap of the bible. When Jesus is involved in the marriage, it is not just a contract but a covenant with the husband, wife and Jesus. For any marriage to work, Christ must be the center of the relationship.

I believe everyone, married and all those that are single that wants to be married, should watch this movie. It’s a breath of fresh air knowing there is still hope in making marriages work without resulting in divorce. Singles can learn a lot from this movie, especially on how to prevent a marriage from getting to that point of wanting a divorce.

LOVE is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. LOVE never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7